i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
