Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there is glitter all over my balls
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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