It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
