Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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