you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
