i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
