I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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