Your dad touched me again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
