She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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