There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
