please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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