Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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