Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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