my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
