Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
