woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
