sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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