The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
