Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
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i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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