Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish there were birth control emojis
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
