I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
