so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just pee around me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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