and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize