So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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