What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
