So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
