take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
