the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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