For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
