I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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