1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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