I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
