i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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