Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
