U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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