i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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