I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
