I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I AM VODKA MAN
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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