OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
