respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
