i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
