I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
