She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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