i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
MIDGETS
????
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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