How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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