By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
