She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
