college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
