Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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