i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
