Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
