my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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