So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
