So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
