im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
