Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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