so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
