and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
