Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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