Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
