Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
