K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
