listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
