Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
