Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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