No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
