GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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