batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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