remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
