if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
