its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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