Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
